Just a little catch up

It has been a rough month. The real world is rough, the economy is still in bad shape, and all of the 2010 graduates are faced with no jobs. I was extremely lucky and received three job offers, three weeks after returning from abroad! I must admit for a while there I thought I was going to be left in the dust. 

Each one was a great opportunity and I could not make up my mind, so I made a list of pros and cons for all three. I knew all three no matter which one I decided on were going to show me something different. I had to keep my goals present and this is how I made the decision. At the end of the day I knew that I wanted a job that would help me get to my ultimate goal of graduate school. I needed a job to develop me, not one that I already knew how to do. So I am moving back to San Diego and going back to school... not for play though, this time only work.  :(

I am going to enter into the real working world on Monday... I'm nervous, excited, and yes scared, but there is nothing I can do now.

But before I take my second to last step into the real world I am going to enjoy my last 3 days of unemployment and college graduate bliss.

Today is my bff's birthday. We've been friends since the 5th grade and know everything about each other. She is the most thoughtful, energetic, adventure driven person I know.

{2 birthdays ago}

 Another friend of ours is throwing her a birthday party tonight. And just like last year this will be the last time I see everyone in the summer before I am off again to another part of the state.

bookmark this

image via here

"Be as a bird, perched on a frail branch that she feels bending beneath her, still she sings, sings, knowing she has wings.
- Victor Hugo

{For graduation I was given a card with this quote, and this is the card that stood out the most. At that moment I didn't quite understand the choice of greeting. [I just knew I really liked it]. I expected a "Congrats, you made it!" type of greeting. Almost 3 months after graduation I understand the choice. Even though it may not seem like it at the moment, I am free. I am free to do whatever I put my mind to. I don't have anyone to respond to, my mother will always be there to support what ever choice I make. And that is all I really need. [Well and a couple thousand dollars, but that's not what matters now]. I am using it as a bookmark, just to remind myself to sing. Even when it seems the branch has broken, there is always another branch I can fly to.}

Because it was relevant 4 years ago and now.

{Lately I have had a lot of time to think about life in general. All of the roads I can take; the one that will lead me to settle for nothing, one that may put me in a financial hole for a while [but will let me party till I choose to stop and live with some of the best friends I have], and two that will let me explore a different part of the world while I help others. Another that will put me behind a desk for a couple of years ["assisting" and that ideally will help me get into grad school. Things never work out that way, which is why I'm skeptical about this one]. Or I can simply go back to school. [I am scared I won't do well, since I am burnt out]. The one I chose to take will be determined by the type of job offer I receive. Needless to say I am in The Middle and everything will be just fine.}

I needed this

Broken skies, heartaches that flowers won’t mend
Say goodbye knowing that this is the end
Tender dreams, shadows fall
Love too sweet, to recall
Dry your eyes, face the dawn
Life will go on

All day long thought that we still had a chance
Letting go, this is the end of romance
Broken hearts find your way
Make it through just this day
Face the world on your own
Life will go on, life will go on

There’ll be blue skies, every true love
Someday I’ll hold you again
They’ll be blue skies in a better world, darlin’

Tender dreams, shadows fall
Love too sweet, to recall
Dry your eyes, face the dawn
Life will go on, life will go on
Broken heart find your way
Make it through just this day
Face the world on your own
Life will go on

Chris Issak - Life will go on.

{I needed this on that crisp Sunday morning when I left you at the door. I needed this half way through the flight back home. And you will never know.}

3 a.m.

It was 3 am. Tight chest and confusion.
It happened again and nothing had happened, except a dream.
How can it be that in 4 weeks I gave everything and for the first time genuinely opened up with out hesitation. {This being a big step for me}

I need my peace of mind back, I need my heart back!

Please.